Highs and Lows

A "wrack line" is the line you often see along a beach where the last high tide has deposited shells, seaweed, items that were either dumped or fell off boats, and other assorted debris. The word wrack comes from the same word we get our English word "wreck" from. Sometimes this line is surprisingly high; a storm at sea drove waves all the way up to the sea oats while we were at the beach, much higher than I had ever seen this line.  But usually the line changes with the regular change of the tides. Never one to shy away from a good metaphor, I couldn't help but think of the correlation between wrack lines at the seashore and the patterns inherent in our lives.

Most of us have highs and lows. Granted some of us are more inclined to have "higher highs" and "lower lows" than others, but we all experience the inevitable ebb and flow of good times and not-so-good times in our lives. I don't know about you, but I can recall some incredibly high highs and some dismally low lows in my own brief time on the planet.

The good news is, the lows - when it comes to wrack lines - are always quickly washed away. The highs, on the other hand, often remain with you for a long, long time (until the next big storm comes through to top it). The bad news is, far too many of us waste our lives staring at and sifting through the last big "high" wrack line, often at the expense of living life in the here and now. Others of us, of course, waste time moaning and groaning about how bad things are right now at this very moment in our life, as if we are unaware that in a matter of hours the tide is going to come in and wash away that "low" wrack line.

Here's my point (yes, there is a point to this). 99.9% of life is lived in the ebb and flow of these highs and lows. The actual low and high points are but fleeting moments. Since we spend most of our time in the middle, let's make the most of what we have then - in the moment - rather than always waiting for, or looking back at, some other time. Today might be a good day to start doing just that.

Your Worth - And Mine

It's weird being without a job. Hopefully my period of unemployment is reaching its end, but I've learned so much through this time in my life. One lesson that has really been pounded home is the strong correlation today between a person's worth and what he or she does for a living. This applies to both sexes, but it seems biased more towards males. If a man isn't "supporting his family" he somehow seems to be less than whole. He's a slacker, or something is wrong with him. In fact, not having gainful employment makes you a kind of modern-day untouchable where people do their best to avoid you, or they dance around the subject with you when you do get around them - as if you have the plague or something. I'm sure most of this is done out of kindness, but there is clearly a kind of societal taboo associated with not having a paying job. It would be interesting to see if this is mainly a byproduct of the Protestant work ethic - or if it is more universal than that, cutting across cultures.

What's the value of a man or woman? In school I once had a teacher once announce that, based on the chemical composition of our bodies, the typical human was worth $4.50. Most would agree we're worth more than that - but how much? Is our value based on how much money we make, or how well we can shoot a basketball, play a guitar or close a deal? The Bible has plenty to say about this. Genesis 1:26-27 says we are made in the very image of God. Psalm 139:13-16 says we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." Perhaps the most important verse concerning our worth is John 3:16 which says we are so valuable that God gave his only Son to redeem us.

What I'm trying to say is our that our worth is often based on the wrong parameters. And that, of course, leads to a lowered self-worth. We listen to what others tell us about ourselves rather than recognizing how valuable we really are in God's eyes. Who knows, perhaps the best thing that could happen to some of us would be to lose our job, then we might turn to the Source for the real answer to the question, "What's a person worth?"

So, tell me a little about yourself...

I had my first job interview since 1978 yesterday. The person who interviewed me was really great and I believe things went well, but it felt like an out-of-body experience to be sitting in someone's office answering questions and replying to statements like, "Tell me a little about yourself, who is Steve Jackson, really?"


I have readily admitted in this forum and elsewhere that I am and probably always will be my own favorite topic of conversation.  I am also definitely the reflective type (with an out-sized ego to be sure, far from the humble, Christ-like person I'd like to be), but honestly, even I have trouble talking about myself for an hour; pondering such imponderables as why I did this or that, and didn't do that or the other. What was I thinking when I did or said that? I don't know! It's difficult to stand outside yourself and reflect this way, especially when it comes to assuming an external, objective, cog-in-the-machine perspective that explains (and convinces!) how I can contribute to an existing enterprise and why they should hire me.


I am not saying I am above doing this, or that I shouldn't have to do so. What I'm saying is it felt strange doing it, and furthermore I never in a million years pictured myself at 55 years old, back at square one, basically selling myself and my abilities like I did over thirty years ago back when I graduated from college and was trying to land my first job.

The experience reminded me how much of life is actually circular rather than linear as we imagine it to be. I usually think of life (whether it's vocationally, spiritually, or relationally) as starting at point "A" then traveling through "B," "C," and "D," before ending up at "E." Charted on a graph this would look like the typical grid where you start low on the left and move steadily upward towards the right. In reality, life is more circular, with periods of striding forth, growing and experiencing, followed by times of falling back to a previous starting point. Somehow this bothers me - maybe it's the language I'm using about "falling back." We don't like to "fall back" do we - we always want to be pressing ahead - "Onward and upward!" Right?

Thinking about life this way it's easy to see how the Eastern notion of life as being cyclical, with Karma and rewards and punishment can be so appealing and intuitive to so many people. Honestly though, even in Eastern Religions the goal of the individual is to escape the wheel - to break out of the seemingly unending cycles of life and death.

I don't really know where I'm going with this ramble so I have no idea how to conclude it. I'm certainly not converting to Hinduism nor am I trying to convince you to do so. Perhaps the best way to conclude would be to simply throw out a few "lessons" from my interview experience using clichés (always a great literary device). Here goes: What I'm saying is, "never say never" because you never know what's going to happen. Always consider carefully what you are about to do because some day you will undoubtedly have to explain yourself. And certainly, "don't burn any bridges" because you may someday need to cross back over those very same bridges you so foolishly torched. Meanwhile, trust God and do the best you can. That said, excuse me, I've got to go pray a bit, and brush up my resume.

Focus

I just spent the last three days with about 200 of my closest friends (fellow extras on a movie set). For ten to twelve hours a day we were holed up in a hot, low-ceilinged basement while small groups of us were taken upstairs to be in scenes. The experience mostly boiled down to a whole lot of "hurry-up-and-wait" (as extra work usually does) and with the numbers present we felt like a herd of cattle being prodded along, but the experience wasn't all drudgery and pain.

One pleasant surprise for me personally was that when I was upstairs filming I was sitting one seat away from an A-list Hollywood actress you would recognize if I used her name. The actress was very polite and kind and is a tremendously gifted artist. She totally earned my respect in our three days together.

One thing I noticed about this actress was the way she could be interacting with her co-stars and others on the set while the cameras and lighting were getting set up and rehearsals were going on, but then, after all the directions were called out by the camera operators, assistant directors, and the sound people, and just before the main director yelled "Action!" this actress would lower her head, take a deep breath, close her eyes and quietly say to herself, "Focus."

This powerful ritual reminded me again of the importance of focus in our lives. Whether it's in business, sports, academia or acting, when it comes to success, we are constantly reminded of the benefits of focus.  And many of those touting the benefits of focus aren't simply doing so from a self-help perspective; there is real science involved in this claim.

Without boring you with a lot of scientific mumbo-jumbo, let me just say this: Studies prove that the brain has millions of bits of information available to it at any one time. This data is generated by our senses: sight, smell, touch, etc...,. Meanwhile, our brains can only process so many of these bits of information at any one time. The brain has automatic filters that operate to prioritize the data that must be processed. The rest of the information is filtered out (ignored) or stored away for future use.

In other words, we have the ability to selectively concentrate on certain items, essentially decluttering the flow of data that is irrelevant to the issue at hand. Focusing amounts to a filtering out and a fine-tuning of what needs to be paid attention to. This is what's happening when a mother is in the midst of a deep sleep of her own and yet hears the softest cry imaginable coming from the baby's room. It's also what happens when an actress stops clowning with her friends and colleagues and consciously draws a laser-like focus on the task at hand and then goes out and knocks her audiences' socks off in a movie scene.

Ours is an age of distraction and focus is in short supply; everyone feels required to multi-task. The simple truth, however, is that if we truly want to be successful - if we want to enjoy the kind of success my new actress friend consistently enjoys - we're going to have to learn to focus as she does. Some of us will have a harder time doing this than others, but all of us will benefit from it. You can be sure of that.

Grateful

I woke up today feeling grateful; ever have days like that? I don't mean "thankful" in the deep, reverent kind of sense of thankfulness. These are not "Thanksgivingesque" feelings I'm feeling. Instead I find myself thankful for a bunch of random, "little things," which I express by using the word "grateful." What am I grateful for? Well...things like:

Friends who don't forget you when you are unemployed, or don't seem to have much to offer. I have a few of these; people who don't judge me by my income or by what I have to offer them, or to society in general. They are just friends who care about me. They encourage me; they double my joy and half my sorrow. I suspect I do the same for them. What a blessing they are (and you know who you are!)

The fact that I am a man. I know this one sounds really odd, but I just finished a book that mainly involved women (The Help by Kathryn Stockett). Honestly, I don't know how women do it; all the things they have to think about, and do and avoid; all the ways their minds are constantly working behind the scenes. It's so much easier being a man. Things are so much simpler, clearer, black and white. Besides, I always have a built-in excuse for any faux pas I might stumble into: "I'm a man, for crying out loud! Gimme a break!"

That neither of my children went through a rebellious phase. I chalk this one up mainly to the influence of their mother. I rebelled, most people I know did. But Donna didn't, and neither did Amy or Leigh. Among my friends whose kids did rebel (or currently are), this seems to be the #1 source of frustration and disappointment in their lives. I, we, were so fortunate in this.

I'm thankful for where I am in my life right now. I realize that sounds odd too: I'm unemployed and have been for over a year, I'm seemingly lost vocationally, one of my closest friends died recently, we don't have a church home, we're burning through our savings at an alarming rate, and I'm questioning a lot of things that I used to be so confident about (perhaps too confident?). But because of all this I find myself closer to God than ever and confident he has me on a great adventure. I'm expecting to come over a hill soon and see an amazing vista of what God has in store. Each day I draw closer to realizing what that "something great" is. I get chills thinking about it.

I'm thankful for the library (see, I told you it was random stuff). It astounds me that I can go over there and check out a book for FREE and enter worlds my measly imagination couldn't begin to think of. I love to read, and thankfully, it's one of the most affordable pastimes in America because good old Ben Franklin had a fantastic book-sharing idea a couple of hundred years ago.

The final addition to my eccentric list of what I'm thankful for today is my new iPhone (and yes I realize how lame and immature that sounds). I'm usually an early adopter to new technology, but I held out a long time on the iPhone. I'm just not an Apple kind of guy. But now that I have one I am totally sold. It is by far the best, easiest to use and coolest (cringe) device I have ever owned.

And so there you have it. Again, nothing deep there, just random things I'm grateful for right now. Yes, there are other, deeper ones (family, health, etc...) but hey, we can't always be deep can we? Have a great day!

Waters of Meribah

Today's Old Testament reading has always troubled me. Numbers 20:1-13 is the story of Moses and Aaron and the people of Israel at the waters of Meribah. The story, in a nutshell, goes like this: The people of Israel are tired, thirsty, and complaining as usual. God has pity on them and so he commands Moses to speak to a rock and water will come out of it for the people. Instead Moses strikes the rock with his staff in anger ("you rebels") and the water gushes forth. At this God says to Moses, “Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them” (v. 12). True to his word, Moses never gets to enter the promised land. Moses is allowed to climb a mountain and look over into the land, but even there God reminds him of his failure: "I have let you see it with your eyes, but you will not cross over into it" (Ex. 34:4)

For goodness sakes! Moses has done everything God has asked of him; reluctantly sometimes, I'll admit. Just look at his track record: Time and time again he interceded for the Israelites. He never gave up faith in God even when their backs were to the Red Sea. He suffered tremendously for his faith in God. And yet, in one brief moment of anger, Moses disobeys just a little, and zap, he's out.

This strikes me as totally unfair, especially in comparison with other biblical heroes. Noah was a drunkard, Abraham tried to pass his wife off as his sister to save his neck, Jonah ran from God's will, David committed adultery and arranged for a murder. Solomon directly disobeyed God on several occasions (multiple foreign wives, thousands of forbidden horses and chariots). Peter denied Christ three times and Paul persecuted Christians. And yet, here's poor Moses, and he gets the boot for something as minor (relatively speaking) as performing a miracle the wrong way. What's more, God already knew Moses had an anger problem and had already murdered someone before he selected him to lead the people of Israel to freedom. And yet, Moses didn't follow the command to the letter and so, he's out. Where's the mercy? Where's the grace in that? Is God really that performance based? Isn't it about who we are versus what we do anyway? And what about forgiveness?

Yes, I know, I've read numerous commentaries on this passage. I understand Moses' failure to follow God's instructions explicitly was disobedience. I understand how important it is to do exactly what God commands and to do it God's way. And yes, I remember Jesus saying anyone who fails to keep even the tiniest minutiae of the law might as well break the entire law. Yes, I get it that no one is too important to God's work to avoid God's discipline. I guess I'm just feeling for the man. 

Why? I don't know, perhaps I recognize enough of my own behavior in Moses (anger, sinful independence, pride, and stubbornness) that the story is doubly convicting for me on a personal level.

The good news is Moses eventually does make it to the promised land; the real Promised Land. We know that from the account of the Transfiguration given in all three synoptic gospels where Jesus is joined by Moses on the mountain. The fact that Moses was there is an obvious sign that he made it to heaven - the real promised land.

I guess the takeaway from this is that sometimes even when God seems most unfair, he's more fair than we can ever imagine. I suppose another takeaway is that even though it appears all is lost - as was the case when Moses wistfully looked over into the land that would become Israel, it really isn't lost. If nothing else, the way this story sticks in my craw brings to mind something a professor of mine once said. He said it's the stories in the Bible we like the least are those which probably have the most to teach us. Amen to that.

My Town...Our Town

I've had a most pleasant experience over the past few days. On three occasions I've been somewhere in public (Wal-Mart, the AT&T store, and a restaurant) and people have come up to me and said, "You're Steve Jackson, aren't you?" All three people were from churches I have served in the past, and in each case the parties to these conversations have, shall we say, changed a bit since we knew one another so well (hence the "aren't you?").

These encounters remind me how much I love living in a small town where you get to know people, and they remember you, even after time has gone by and circumstances have changed. I don't really know how to express this except to say that life in a small town just seems more "human." So much about our lives today has become nameless and faceless, which makes it nice when the people you see at the ballgame or the grocery store are not all strangers. There's a sense of community that evolves; relationships are built, and reputations are won (and lost) in ways you just don't experience in larger cities. Honesty, integrity and character matter more in a small town. Your name matters, your family matters, and people take the time to stop and chat. They look you in the eye when they talk to you too. I love that. I also love it that you know and care about the folks who live around you and they care about you. Last night in our neighborhood emails were flying about a "suspicious car" seen riding around. Everyone got involved because everyone cared and everyone realized that we're all connected. You just don't get that in an urban area.

The small town feel in our town was even more pronounced when we first moved here in the early eighties, but even though the area has mushroomed with growth, the small town feel abides. I'm thankful for that; and I hope that feeling never goes away in "our town." 

I'll close with some lyrics my favorite song about a town, "Our Town" by Randy Newman. The song is from the Pixar movie Cars and James Taylor sings it.

Long ago, but not so very long ago

The world was different, oh, yes, it was
You settled down and you built a town and made it there
And you watched it grow, it was your town

Time goes by and time brings changes
You've changed too
Nothing comes that you can't handle
So on you go
You never see it coming
When the world caves in on you
On your town, nothing you can do

Main Street isn't Main Street anymore
Lights don't shine as brightly as they shone before
Tell the truth, lights don't shine at all
In our town