Venus and Mars: Male Bonding

I never cease to be amazed at how radically different men and women view the world. I don't mean that to sound sexist or to be critical of either gender, but you have to admit there are definite differences.

Take male friendship, for instance. Men and women look for totally different things in a same-sex friendship. Men like being friends with someone they respect, and it helps if you believe the other guy respects you too. Male friendship also has an element of competitiveness. Guys like to compete - even with their friends. Male friends also tend to be more non-judgmental towards one another. I'm sure my friends have their reasons for what they do, so I don't judge or criticize them for their choices. I would argue that there is also more loyalty between male friends; and I'm referring to the "battlefield" kind of loyalty that involves sacrifice. I'm not leaving my buddy on the battlefield, even if I have to die with him.

Perhaps the most obvious difference in friendship and the sexes involves intimacy. Male friends seldom have the kind of transparency found in female friendships. This may stem from homophobia, or perhaps we feel like we have a spouse we can "share with" on that level so we don't need to go there with our buddies. Part of the reason could also be because guys prefer to avoid the drama that seems to follow intimacy in friendships. For that reason, as a rule men are more straightforward with one another in their friendships. Oddly enough, even though our friendships are less intimate than female to female friendships, we're more open with one another at the same time. If something needs to be said, we say it without fear of reprisal or of losing the friendship. I believe that's what Anne Morrow Lindbergh meant when she said, "Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces." Our friendships are less intimate; we're more like "teammates" than "teary-eyed tell-alls," but our communication is more open so there is less unspoken stuff going on when we communicate.

As a disclaimer, I'm not a sociologist or a psychologist; I'm just speaking as a guy here. I would love to hear what you think about this. Meanwhile, guys how about a chest-bump or a man-hug? Whaddya think?