Freedom

I try to keep my journaling and my blogging separate as they serve two distinct purposes in my life. But some days, like today, I feel like what was revealed in my quiet time (which is what I usually journal about) might be helpful to others. Excuse any poor grammar, etc… because I transcribed it verbatim.

Sat. 2/20/10 08:33 am

Ahhh…Saturday’s here. It’s odd, but I never imagined I’d be working so hard after I resigned at NewSong. I think I imagined a life of slowness and comfort – of richness and watching plenty of sunrises and sunsets. Instead I have totally immersed myself in work. Why have I done that? What is it about becoming still that is so frightening to me? When will I learn to simply be still and know that God is God. What voices – what demons - possess me and drive me so? Somehow I think it has to do with fear. I don’t think of myself as a fearful person, but something definitely has me living in fear. What am I so afraid of?

Today’s New Testament reading is about the Gerasene demoniac (Mark 5:1-20). As I read this story about a living man who was dwelling among the dead (he was in a cemetery and had chains hanging off him) I realized he was being held captive of his own accord. The chains weren’t holding him back. What was he so afraid of? That isn’t made clear, but what is clear is that it took an encounter with Jesus for him to truly be set free – and even when Jesus did set the man free, those around him clamored for Jesus to leave instead of setting them free as he had the man in the tombs.

Lord, this morning I pray that you will not go, but instead set me free from that which I fear – from whatever it is that binds me, that keeps me living among the dead, just as you freed the man I read about today, for my demons are “legion.” Amen.