Lesson Plans

Ever since we've been married I've heard Donna talk about making up lesson plans. I have to admit I had no idea how much work that involved until now. I'm not sure why preparing them is so difficult for me, you'd think after fifteen years of writing sermons it wouldn't be that difficult for me, but for whatever reason, it has been. Today, for example, I started early this morning was at all day long and well into the night. Hopefully as I find my rhythm the process of getting prepared to teach each day will get easier.

Since I'm brain dead from staring at my computer screen all day, I won't even attempt to come up with something creative or thought-provoking to say tonight (it's almost midnight here). Instead, let me use this opportunity to thank everyone who has been so encouraging since my "dark night of the soul" a few days ago. Everyone has been so supportive and kind. The advice many of you gave was to take what I was feeling to the Lord and allow him to bring me out of the desert. I have been doing that, and God has gently restored me. My physical health is better, and I feel better emotionally and spiritually as well.

I also learned some things in the process. For instance, I learned that my loneliness is somehow linked to my desire to live completely for God. I want to live for him and him alone so badly, but when I do that – or what feels like doing that – I get lonely and depressed. The solution, at least for me, may be to find a way to live for the Lord while staying in communion with others at the same time. Restated, I don't think I would make a very good hermit, even though I often fancy that I would.

Turning to God for healing also showed me how unwilling I am to let go of my desire to control my life. I realized I have been holding on to this imaginary power by looking to future events and outside gratifications instead of living fully in God's presence and letting him satisfy me. For example, I have been doing my best to distract myself from what I am really feeling and experiencing while I am over here by imagining what I might do when I return from Africa. What I need instead is to simply be still before the Lord.

And so as I go to bed tonight, my prayer is that I will be quiet and listen for God, and have the faith to believe that his grace is sufficient for me today; and that tomorrow he will guide me and protect me and provide for me, because that's the way to true joy, peace and freedom.